This snippet of insight was one that a client of mine achieved, mid-session while deep in conversation about our needs and boundaries. This is one of those conversations that recur, exposing some new learnings and understandings every time we discuss it.
The bottom line is this – The act of someone invalidating your want/ need or disapproving your boundary, certainly does not make it less valid.
Often we think that our boundaries are only valid if the people around us approve/ accept/ respect them. However, if you think about it, this goes completely against the purpose of having boundaries itself! Sadly, we’ve been socialized to believe that we can’t have boundaries, to begin with – leave behind understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries and how to put them across, and then, upholding them in the face of resistance. Why have we grown up believing this? – well, simply put, that’s what we were taught explicitly or implicitly observed and learned – because it served the purpose of others!
When I speak with individuals about asserting their needs/ wants/ boundaries, I can literally see them either squirming in their seats or repulsed at that idea. So simply learning how to be assertive, often isn’t the only solution, because there is a whole host of beliefs that we hold about our rights to be assertive about our needs/ wants/ boundaries, which limits us from doing so!
If I go on about this- it could easily turn into a book! But one of the insights that helped one of my clients was this- our needs/ boundaries are valid, even if others don’t approve of them!
If you’d like to learn more about Being Assertive, or think you may benefit from learning to do so – I am planning a 6-8 week Group of Assertiveness Training. This could give you an opportunity to learn in a group of like-minded individuals, and also an opportunity to practice the beliefs and skills you learn with other participants!
To know more about this please drop a WhatsApp message on +91 8928465729 indicating your interest.