Imagine yourself, physically trapped in an elevator or closet. Four walls surrounding your sweaty body, you are gasping for air from any angle possible and your arms lay weak besides you from banging against the walls. Now transform this physical barrier into an emotional and psychological one. Numerous individuals across the world, going about their day to day lives, enclosed by this barrier, out of fear, shame, guilt, confusion or anxiety. No one else, but that individual themself experiences the ordeals of remaining in this closet, a transparent barrier waiting to be shattered. We have always lived in a world of fluidity when it comes to gender and sexuaity. In some civilizations differently gendered people had been elevated by the divine such as among the Native American Tribes and their Two Spirit. In others, the distinction did not seem to matter – “What two consenting adults wanted to do in a romantic relationship, whether same-sex or opposite-sex, was their business only.” In the case of the Greeks and, in some periods, Romans, same-sex male relationships were considered superior (Mark, 2021). It is a false notion that we ever lived in a binary world. Human’s have had the natural urge to be curious about themselves since ancient times, – Who are they? Whom are they attracted to? Are there other people like them? According to Psychologist William James, human curiosity is the desire to understand what you know that you do not.
It is truly unfortunate, saddening and terrifying that we live in a world, where individuals are petrified to learn more about their identity and inturn have a hard time with its acceptance. The LGBTQIA+ community have been fighting this battle from the time they are born – searching for their identity, exploring who they are, trying to find a place where they can fit in without the fear of being bullied, harassed, stigmatised and even facing death in some cases. Today, we ask ourselves the negative effects of living in fear, closeted behind the emotional and psychological barrier, restricted from living, loving and being.
1. Dissociative Identity Disorder – Many individuals within this community are in the practice of separating their identity from any feelings or attractions for the same sex. They are unwilling to accept who they are. They keep their own desires completely out of their conscious awareness, their true sexual identity is blocked by the fear and anxiety of feeling something ‘they are not supposed to feel’. A faulty cognition leads to a double life, which several individuals are not even aware of. Clinical presentations of closeted gay people may lie somewhere in severity between selective inattention – most commonly seen in the case of homosexually self-aware patients thinking about ‘the possibility’ that they might be gay – to more severe dissociation, in which any hint of same-sex feelings resides totally out of conscious awareness. More severe forms of dissociation are commonly observed in married men who are homosexually self-aware but cannot permit the thought of themselves as gay (Roughton, 2002).
2. Chronic Depression – It was sad to note the amount of studies and articles we found regarding the prevalence of depression across ages, faced by this community. In 2018, a UCL-led study found that 16-21-year-olds (LGBQ’s) were four times more likely to have felt depressed, harmed themselves and thought about killing themselves, from a sample of 4,828 young people, in and around Bristol. At age 18 years, the LGBQ adolescents were twice as likely to fulfil the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of depression (Irish & Lewis, 2018).
3. Self-Disgust and Self-Hatred – We learn and understand with the help of our surroundings. But society has created a toxic and dangerous environment for the people of this community. Being non-heterosexual is labelled as ‘immoral’, ‘wrong’, ‘a deviance’. Many closeted individuals develop internalized homophobia due to this. They are stuck in a cycle of self-hatred, confusion, loneliness and self-disgust because of being and feeling something ‘they are not allowed or supposed to’. For some gay men, hiding and passing as heterosexual becomes a lifelong moral hatred of the self; a maze of corruptions, petty lies, and half-truths that spoil social relations in family and friendship (Herdt and Boxer, 1993). There are many gay men who, before they came out, were either “gay-baiters” or “gay-bashers” themselves.
4. Low Self-Esteem and Negative Self-View – In Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development, a crucial and fragile state comes at stage 5. In this stage, Adolescents navigate through the Identity vs. Confusion state, by developing a single identity through testing, exploring and refining. But closeted individuals out of threat and shame do not get the opportunity to do so. In the absence of understanding who they are they develop low self-esteem and a negative self-view, which brings with them issues such as fear of intimacy, deep shame about their sexual experiences, and inability to develop emotional intimacy, several studies have claimed.
5. Substance Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts – The most time-sensitive, negative effect of being trapped in the closet is the elevated risk of developing a substance abuse disorder and experiencing symptoms of suicidal ideation. Currently, there are 195 countries in the world, out of which only in 31 countries is same-sex marriage legal. Imagine living in a world, where you are unable to form a legal partnership with the people you love, in 164 countries. Marriage, family, love and belongingness is a distant hope for numerous closeted individuals. Feeling shame, fearing torture, assault and death, being ostracized from society are only a handful of reasons why their lives are at constant risk.
A previous article titled ‘Issues faced by the LGBTQIA+ Community’ by ImPerfect, provides further insight into the types of injustices perpetrated against them and what they are denied.
Think about all these negative effects and the immense burden felt by individuals of this community surviving in constant fear, not living. While the tide is shifting and the protests continue for equality and acceptance, we must remember that we cannot stop until everyone feels safe in this world. Being an ally for this community is more than accepting your friends or family members. It is larger than a few people within the community. It involves generations of the past and the future, where we create a safe, accepting world for everyone who chooses to express who they are. No one should be forced to live within four walls their whole lives because they identify and love differently from what society ‘thinks’ is the norm. We would like to leave you with a thought to ponder upon …
“When you reduce life to Black and White, you never see Rainbows.”
– Stacy McCafferty.
– Urveez Kakalia & Ferangiz Hozdar.