A psychologist and a friend lay on the two ends of a spectrum. On one end, we have friends or peers with who we surround ourselves. They make up our support system, a shoulder to cry on. Researchers believe that friendship exists within the socio-emotional realm and that it is hallmarked by interdependence and the voluntary nature of interactions (Degges-White, 2018). A psychologist belongs to the scientific realm which studies, interprets and understands human behavior, emotions and thoughts.
Upon a quick survey, I asked a few of my classmates to describe a psychologist and a friend with six adjectives of their choice. Adjectives that overlapped included compassionate, trustworthy, patient and accepting. A psychologist and a friend can both hold these qualities and YET be different.
Colloquial expressions such as, “Friends are just unpaid therapists,” or a friend saying, “Talk to me, I’ll tell you what to do,” have now been normalized into our vocabulary. It tends to blur the lines between a Psychologist and a friend. Hence, people wonder why they should visit a Psychologist when they have a group of supportive friends, who are always there for them.
Let me aid you in clearly distinguishing why visiting a Psychologist is more effective than talking to a friend.
1. A Psychologist holds the power of experience –
“The only source of knowledge is experienced,” – Albert Einstein
There is an explicit difference between parents providing home care for their sick child with plenty of fluids and a Crocin for instant relief versus a Doctor prescribing medicine to fight and overcome the illness. This knowledge regarding the correct medicine to prescribe to different individuals comes with experience. Following this example, the help provided by a Psychologist who trains and researches regarding how to help a client is superior in specificity to simply talking to a friend. Sometimes, one may underestimate their own problems and convince themselves that using a friend as an outlet for their feelings will make everything better. In reality, the most beneficial and appropriate route to assessing and solving one’s problems involves talking to a Psychologist, who comes with knowledge from experience.
2. Difference in the relationship –
Our lives are made up of different kinds of relationships. The essence of friendliness varies in each relationship. A therapeutic relationship has certain rules, which the Psychologist is bound to abide by. It is a strictly professional one. As opposed to a friendship that is primarily based on mutual affection.
I would like to give a real-life example of Reverend Timothy E. Findley JR, from Louisville. He faced a dire situation during the peak covid times, in 2020, where he was doing increasing amounts of funerals.
He said and I quote – “Okay, you’re doing something that is abnormal, it’s different. You’re being subjected to things that most people aren’t subjected to, day in and day out. If you think you can do this, and not have a therapist, somebody to talk to, not just a friend to vent to, but an actual therapist-you’re going to hurt yourself,” (Green & Mills, 2021).
This was the push he needed to talk to a therapist. This clearly shows that one can have friends to vent to, but to seek professional help is vital and is independent of having friends one can or cannot vent to.
3. Ethics guiding a Psychologist –
A Psychologist is trained to follow a list of ethics provided by the American Psychological Association, to name a few – beneficence, non-maleficence, autonomy, justice, fidelity and respect for the clients’ confidentiality. These ethics are the reason why if a Psychologist hears something that may go against their personal viewpoint or anger them, they are forbidden to show any signs of disapproval. Psychologists must adhere to particular conduct of behavior and response. Whereas, a friend is not bound by any explicit ethics and is free to react how they see fit. This is why it would be more effective to visit a Psychologist where one can be exposed to a space of unconditional acceptance and receive non-biased ways to better their mental health than simply talking to a friend.
4. Science is a Psychologists’ friend –
Psychology is a branch of science that studies multiple facets in relation to an individual’s mind and behavior. Scientifically proven forms of counseling and therapy, uphold the profession. They accurately help identify, evaluate and solve the psychological problem. Due to the presence of science, the conversation between a client and a Psychologist is unique. For example, a difference in response to someone expressing their problem with overthinking from “Don’t overthink, think about something else,” to “What are you anxious or worried about?” One involves giving advice, the other involves a self-reflective approach. The latter is much more beneficial for an individual trying to overcome a psychological problem than a one-sided, opinionated approach.
5. A Psychologist only focuses on YOU –
It is the job of a Psychologist to use all their resources and abilities to guide their client on a healthier path of living. The focus is on the client itself. A friendship involves a reciprocal relationship, give and take. Hence, it is more effective to talk to a Psychologist who will comprehensively help the client to build on one’s health, without expectations of anything in return.
I would like to conclude by saying that Psychologists are known widely as Mental Health Professionals for a reason, they are the experts. It is vital for every individual to respect and accept their mental health and seek therapy from a Psychologist, a professional when need be.
-Urveez Kakalia & Ferangiz Hozdar.