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How important is our self-esteem to us!
Every individual at some stage of life needs guidance. We face difficulties or we come across barriers which we try to overcome. What is it that stops an individual from seeking help or to reach out to someone? Why does one hesitate? The biggest hassle one faces is the acceptance of the difficulty. When it comes to academics there seems to be a stigma attached. Since we deal with children, parents are involved. There is always denial. There is always bargaining. “We, as parents, will work harder”. “We have appointed special tuitions”. “We will make sure she does well in her exams”. “He does well at home. Its only at school that he is performing poorly”. These are just a few reasons which cause delay in beginning therapy. Peer pressure too is vital. Peers should be buddies and therapy should involve buddy system to inculcate responsibility as well as acceptance or inclusion. An inclusive learning environment can benefit all students, not only those with disabilities. It helps students feel accepted and understood, and boosts their confidence.
Students who have experienced repeated failures in spite of putting in efforts, tend to have lower self-esteem. It is important to acknowledge their tiniest achievement and praise them for their effort and resilience.
Sunita was a quiet child with no eye contact. Fingers always turned into a fist. Lost in her own world. Sitting quietly by herself. No one would notice her presence. “All she does is scribble in her books. She never completes her work and is daydreaming all day,” her teacher complained. She added, “she never disturbs anybody, you will not even realize that Sunita is present in the classroom.”
We had a meeting with Sunita’s parents. Sunita’s father was a busy man working in the police department. He did spend a few hours with Sunita in the week. Her mother too was busy with her corporate work and had little time to pay attention to Sunita’s academic work. They both thought that she was at school and was well taken care of. Her friend was her old maid who lived with them and looked after her. When at home, she would spend time watching television or staring out of the window. She had a tutor coming home to teach her.
Parents were requested to follow up after a month. We made a few changes in her daily schedule. When we checked her books, and the rough note book. As the teacher had mentioned that she just scribbles, there was more to scribbling. She was talented. Her scribbles expressed a lot of emotions. We introduced art class for her.
It was interesting to work with Sunita. Bigger task was of acceptance from the parents. They were convinced that nothing was wrong with Sunita, for which they were right. But they failed to understand that Sunita needed help and assistance to be able to be noticed. Luckily, her parents were cooperative once they understood the difficulties Sunita was going through. Her mother managed to spend quality time with her adorable daughter. She was available on phone calls to discuss and manage schedules and programmes planned for Sunita. Her private tutor too was cooperative. She appreciated the efforts taken, learnt a lot herself and used innovative ways to teach concepts.
It was understood that Sunita didn’t have any learning difficulty but she was never guided in the right direction. She definitely was anxious being in social situations and had difficulty expressing herself. Her lack of confidence further kept her away from interacting with others.
Important things that worked in therapy:
Most important was to allow her to believe that she had the potential to achieve and reduce her fear of failing.
- Creating a safe and supportive classroom environment.
- Involving classmates and giving them a sense of responsibility to be able to assist Sunita only when needed.
- It was essential that her confidence was boosted and there was no peer pressure.
- Teacher involvement was essential. They were requested to assign simpler tasks to her.
- Her art teacher played a vital role where she sent her drawing for a competition and her work got selected. She did not win a prize then. It was the beginning. She encouraged her to participate in inter school competitions and slowly got recognition.
- Taking art as her strength, lot of learning happened through doodles and using visual cues.
- Positive reinforcement boosted her self-confidence and motivated her to continue striving for success.
Because of her father’s transferable job, Sunita had to leave school in a few years, but her mother kept in contact with me and updated me of Sunita’s progress. Every 5th September, I definitely hear from Sunita. She continues her passion for art and always gifts her friends and family original hand painted items like scarves, napkins, bags, pillow cases or cushions. She is now a loving mother of a two-year-old boy.