Don’t we all want to be superheroes? Running into flaming buildings, helping someone cross a busy road or maybe shielding someone from a surprise attack. Several individuals have an inner urge to help or save others. They want to provide solutions for problems, comfort others and protect people from danger. We are sure that as you read these words all you can think about is ‘Being a Hero’.
According to Philip Zimbardo, a renowned American Psychologist, “The key to heroism is a concern for other people in need, a concern to defend a moral cause, knowing there is a personal risk, done without expectation of reward.”
A plethora of positive emotions and images are associated with the word ‘Hero’ or ‘Saviour’. But, the degree to which one expresses these tendencies of saving and helping others, will help us highlight the difference between Heroism and Hero Syndrome.
Hero Syndrome has several names, you may know it as Saviour Complex, Hero Mentality, White Knight Syndrome or Messiah Complex. Contrary to common perception none of these terms mirrors the essence of being a Hero in the positive sense. A saviour complex occurs when individuals feel good about themselves ONLY when helping someone, believe their JOB or PURPOSE is to help those around them and sacrifice their own interests and well-being in the effort to aid another. They feel responsible for saving or helping others, even if that provision of service is detrimental to one or both of those people, over time. This explanation clearly makes the difference between the safe, harmless tendencies related to Heroism and the toxic environment created by someone suffering from Hero Syndrome. While the Hero Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon, it is not a diagnosable disorder or a clinical term. However, the reported symptoms of the Hero Complex is similar to a grandiose delusion, also known as delusions of grandeur. Patients consider themselves famous, wealthy, and powerful, sometimes even referring to themselves in divine terms.
Some signs that point towards this harmful syndrome are:
1. Vulnerability attracts you – Doctors, nurses, therapists and other individuals in this line of work fall prey to this syndrome, which usually involves patients and clients who need their help, are distressed and need rescuing. While empathy is a big part of their job, it can lead to doing more harm than good, if one does not understand where to draw the line and let an individual help themselves.
2. You are always trying to change people – Saviour complex leads people to believe that they can change others for their own good, without taking into consideration who they are, what they want and if they even want to change. This tendency borders on forcing people to change rather than understanding the persons’ past and present situation.
3. You need validation – Helping others without any external recognition and having an obsessive need to fix things in order to feel good from all the praise, calls attention to this unhealthy coping mechanism. This shows that one is helping for the wrong reasons.
4. You make excessive personal sacrifices – According to Dr. Maury Joseph, a psychologist in Washington, D.C., “A saviour complex can involve a sense of moral masochism, or self-sabotage for moral purposes.” An individual may go above and beyond to help or save others who may not actually want help. This is not a helping hand but someone making high handed decisions.
5. You feel you are morally superior – At its extreme, this syndrome may even make people believe that they are divine. They experience feelings of omnipotence and they just know that no one can save others the way they can.
As stated before ‘the degree at which the tendencies to save people are exhibited make all the difference between being helpful and being controlling. Let us take the eye-opening example of Adolf Hitler. He viewed himself as the saviour for Germans and the whole of mankind with his ideology of the Master Race, to eventually ‘purify’ the world. While the whole world saw him for his evil and atrocious acts, his followers saw him as the saviour. Not all examples of Saviour Complex are this extreme, it can even describe a partner in a relationship for the sole purpose of ‘fixing’ their other half, creating more resentment and conflict in the relationship than a sense of comfort and support, or an employee who has an inflated sense of their heroism and can create a hostile work environment because of their arrogance.
The Hero Syndrome is the dark side of helping and saving others. It encapsulates feelings of narcissism, dominance and ego, while forgetting the true essence of heroism which is nobility, kindness and bravery. These individuals are more prone to experiencing burnout. Their failures in helping others can make them depressed and frustrated with themselves. The saviour complex leads them to constantly seek vulnerable, disruptive environments which in turn can have adverse effects on themselves.
In order to overcome this web of ‘saving’ others in the name of Heroism one can seek professional help from a therapist. They can help you understand the roots of these tendencies, facilitate a healthy way of validation and teach you beneficial coping mechanisms. Individually, one can focus on listening rather than jumping into action. Take time off for self-exploration and gain insight into what you want to change for yourself rather than projecting that need onto someone else in your life.
While we all want to be heroes for others, we cannot forget there are times when we do not need to do anything but be there for others in need. Simply, showing up and supporting someone is also heroism. It is not always as grand as we see it in movies. Sometimes when someone needs help, it’s better to simply extend a hand for support rather than forcibly taking their hand and pulling them towards change.
– Urveez Kakalia and Ferangiz Hozdar.