Inspired by some of the very experienced Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapists and trainers- I often ask my clients, “What planet do you live on?”

You most definitely guessed their response to this one – “Earth” all respond! But, some do so with an expression of “obviously”, others have a confused look on their face, wondering if this is a trick question, yet others have the look on their face that says … “I probably need to find a new therapist” because they are questioning my sanity at that point. Haha!

Only until I respond further though … “Ohh… good okay, because I was under the impression you were living on the planet of perfection!” Most of my clients get it by this point. They are probably being toooo hard on themselves, making extreme demands on themselves, to be a certain way, perform at a certain level or to achieve a certain thing.

What happens when we do demand perfection form ourselves, is that we aren’t accepting ourselves as being flawed human beings- which means, we are ImPerfect! We then go further to putting conditions on accepting ourselves. If we don’t fulfil those (often unrealistic) expectations, we reject and judge ourselves tremendously. I don’t need to tell you that this isn’t going to have any beneficial effects on your mental health to say the least.

So, if we do live on earth, well actually – SINCE we live on earth and we are human beings, what is it that we can expect of ourselves? The expectations, goals, hopes, aren’t problems in themselves. It is when we make our acceptance of ourselves on achieving them that distresses us. Here’s what we want to work on- learning that we are fallible human beings and are worthy no matter what. Accepting ourselves without conditions. And then set goals, expectations etc, but ensure we keep them independent of ourselves and identities.

In fact, you will be more likely to reach those goals without disturbing yourselves, if you work in this way! Happy living Earthlings!