The Oxford English Dictionary defines intimacy as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or affecting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”
Intimacy helps people to connect with each other on various levels. Hence, it is an integral part of healthy relationships. It is what builds over time as you bond with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable spending time together. It can consist of physical or emotional closeness or both. Intimacy is crucial since humans are social creatures who thrive on close personal relationships with others. While intimacy connotes images of romantic relationships, it can also occur in close friendships, parent-child relationships, and siblinghood.
Types of Intimacy :
1. Experiential Intimacy: It is when people bond during leisure activities. Shared experiences lead to inside jokes and private memories that can strengthen connection. The act of teamwork and collaborating together toward a common goal while creating an experience creates a feeling of closeness.
How to increase experiential intimacy:
Undertake new adventures with your partner to increase experiential intimacy. Plan activities that you haven’t done together.
Each person in a couple can have separate lives. You don’t have to get together on everything, but it’s important to have shared experiences. This way, your intimacy is interlinked with memories and obtained knowledge. It prevails in numerous spaces.
Example: A father and son come together to build a model train, developing a rhythm to their teamwork.
2. Emotional Intimacy: When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones (especially those). Emotional intimacy involves the real, truthful sharing of thoughts and feelings. It means being able to tell each other your deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, and most complicated emotions, as well as feeling seen and understood when you do. It involves both you and your partner feeling safe and comfortable with this kind of candid expression around each other. This “safe space” is created by each person withholding from judgment or contempt when the other is sharing.
How to increase emotional intimacy:
You can foster emotional intimacy in your relationships by engaging in deeper, more introspective conversation together, talking about emotions and experiences you don’t usually share with others. Likewise, ask your partner thoughtful questions and be curious about the way they think and feel. Listen to understand rather than waiting to respond. Always be careful not to invalidate their feelings, so that you can foster an environment conducive to open, honest dialogue.
Example: A woman divulges to her sister about her body image issues. She trusts her sibling to offer comfort rather than using her insecurities against her.
3. Intellectual Intimacy: It is when people feel comfortable sharing their viewpoints and opinions, even when they disagree. Being comfortable with communicating beliefs and ideas without worrying about potential conflicts creates intellectual intimacy. Each person in the relationship has the freedom to think for themselves and believes that their opinions are valued—instead of feeling pressured to agree. This atmosphere encourages stimulating conversation. You feel closer to the person who cares for you independent of differences and respects your voice.
How to increase intellectual intimacy:
You can create more intellectual intimacy by initiating discussions where you and your partner have different perspectives. Make a conscious effort to have these talks without growing defensive or angry. Disagreement isn’t a requirement, however. You can also discuss ideas and abstract concepts that you’re exploring together. This type of intimacy is about connecting through logic and philosophical expression.
Example: Two friends debate the meaning of life. They enjoy hearing each other’s opinions and don’t feel the need to “win” the argument.
4. Spiritual intimacy: Religious practice isn’t necessary for spiritual intimacy, though it can serve the purpose. This connection is formed when you share poignant moments with your partner. Though praying and worshipping as a couple could qualify as one such moment, there are many other examples of spiritual intimacy. It allows for transcendent connection—beyond logic and conscious thought.
How to increase spiritual intimacy:
Talk about spirituality with your partner so that each of you can explore experiences that the other consider incredible. Schedule time consistently to partake in those and similar endeavours.
5. Physical Intimacy – While a hug or holding a hand are both examples of physical intimacy, this type is most commonly used in reference to sex. While sex is important in relationships, you can also demonstrate physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin touching. Although these small physical shows of affection may seem mundane, they can help you and your partner foster a feeling of closeness.
In reference to sex, a part of intimacy is feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make sure that you are asking for the same information from your partner. This way, you can facilitate a safe environment where you both feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts and desires.
How to Build Intimacy in Relationships
If you’re too tired for sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
Plan a trip to a place neither of you has been. It’s fun to experience new things for the first time.
Put down the electronics when you’re sharing a space together. Make sure to do this especially if your partner is talking to you about their day or an experience.
Make yourself emotionally available to them.
Send each other articles so that you have something interesting and new to talk about. This also helps build on intellectual intimacy, and it can give you a much-needed mental break if you have kids or are a caregiver to another loved one.
Make it a point to show your appreciation. Take time to tell the other person what you appreciate about them. Show your gratitude, which can take the form of gifts, favours, or a simple “thank you.”
Tackle a project together – Restore a piece of furniture, learn a new skill like baking. Whatever the project, working toward a goal with a loved one can cultivate bonding time, make invaluable memories, and give you something new to look forward to together.
– Urveez Kakalia and Dhara Mehta.