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Parenting Boys and Girls: Understanding Key Differences
Parenting is a unique journey and no two children are exactly alike. While each child requires love, empathy and consistency, boys and girls often respond to different parenting styles. Understanding these differences can help foster stronger connections and improve family dynamics.
Shared Principles for Parenting All Children:
Regardless of gender, all children need consistent love, fair treatment and clear boundaries. Maintaining equality in discipline, privileges and emotional support is vital. Tailoring these approaches to each child’s maturity level ensure they feel secure and valued. For example: If one child struggles with homework while another excels, both may need encouragement but require different approaches-one may need extra guidance while the other may benefit from enrichment activities.
Key Differences Between Boys and Girls:
1. Communication Styles: Boys tend to prefer clear and concise directives. They may struggle to articulate emotions verbally but often respond well to action-oriented conversations. Girls are generally more inclined to engage in verbal communication, often sharing their thoughts and feelings more openly. Example: While a son may need a step-by step guide to manage a conflict, a daughter may benefit from talking through her emotions and concerns.
2. Emotional Expression: Boys may express love through action rather than words. Physical activities such as roughhousing,biking or learning practical skills often deepen their bond with parents. Girls frequently value emotional conversations, affectionate gestures like hugs, and written expressions of love. Example: A father bonding with his son may wrestle or teach him how to build a model car, while his daughter may cherish heartfelt letters or one-on-one conversations over tea.
3. Social Interactions: Boys naturally gravitate toward group activities that emphasise competition, teamwork and physical play. Girls often focus on maintaining group harmony, using conversation and compromise to resolve conflicts. At a playground, boys may engage in racing games or climbing competitions while girls may gather role-playing activities like being a teacher or doctor.
4. Discipline Strategies: Boys may respond better to action-based discipline methods such as behaviour charts, sticker systems or other visual cues for progress. Girls may respond more effectively to verbal discipline and expressions of disappointment or concern. Example: Boys may thrive under a structured reward system that tracks positive behaviour, while girls may adjust their behavior when they sense a shift in their relationship with parents.
Adapting Parenting Approaches:
Parents who raise both boys and girls may find that their methods must adapt to suit each child’s preferences. Boys may require more physical engagement, while girls often benefit from stronger verbal connections. Example: If a family introduces a behavior chart, boys may find the visual system motivating, while girls may respond better to positive conversations reinforcing good behavior.
Understanding the Science Behind Parenting Differences:
Research indicates that parents often adopt different behaviors based on the gender of their child, which can influence children’s development in various ways. For instance, studies have shown that parents may be slightly more controlling with boys than with girls, although the effect size is negligible. This suggests that while there are some differences in parental control they are not substantial.
Additionally, research indicates that mothers tend to adopt authoritative parenting styles, characterized by warmth and responsiveness, while fathers may lean towards authoritarian or permissive style. These variations in parenting approaches are often influenced by societal norms and expectations surrounding gender roles. For example, fathers may focus on fostering independence in their sons, while treating their daughters with more gentleness, emphasizing caregiver qualities.
It’s important to note that while these studies highlight general trends, individual parenting practices can vary widely. Recognising and understanding these differences can help parents adopt more intentional and equitable approaches, fostering healthy development for all children.
Building Strong Parent-Child Relationships:
Regardless of gender differences, developing trust and understanding is crucial. Paying attention to each child’s unique interests, strengths and communication styles allows parents to foster deeper connections and create a supportive environment. Example: Noticing a child’s passion for art, music or sports can provide meaningful bonding opportunities that encourage self expression and confidence.
Parenting can be challenging, especially when navigating differing emotional and behavioural needs. At ImPerfect Psychotherapy, we provide specialised therapy services to help parents develop strategies that foster healthy communication and improved family dynamics. Our trained therapist offers guidance for managing parenting stress, building emotional connections and supporting children through every stage of development.
– Krupa Abraham
Reference:
1. https://aleteia.org/2024/08/25/is-raising-a-daughter-different-than-raising-a-son
2. http://www.docrobin.com/the-difference-between-raising-boys-and-girls/
Further Readings:
https://hdl.handle.net/20.500.12741/rep:2549
https://digital.library.txst.edu/items/d80cc060-f9c9-45ac-ba05-f48d665c0692
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/gender-and-parenting/
Plomin, R., & Daniels, D. (1987). Why are children in the same family so different from one another?. Behavioral and brain Sciences, 10(1), 1-16.
Liwag, M. E. C. D., de la Cruz, A. S., & Macapagal, M. E. J. (1998). How we raise our daughters and sons: Child-rearing and gender socialization in the Philippines. Philippine Journal of Psychology, 31(1).
Telesford, J. M., & Murray, C. B. (2008). Love a son, raise a daughter: A cross-sectional examination of African American mothers’ parenting styles. University of California Riverside Undergraduate Research Journal, 2(1), 53-60.
Endendijk, J. J., Groeneveld, M. G., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & Mesman, J. (2016). Gender-differentiated parenting revisited: Meta-analysis reveals very few differences in parental control of boys and girls. PloS one, 11(7), e0159193.
Paleari, F. G., Celsi, L., Galati, D., & Pivetti, M. (2022). Gender differences in the associations between perceived parenting styles and young adults’ cyber dating abuse. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 818607.
Begum, T. S., Phukan, M., & Neog, B. (2019). Perception of parents and adolescents on parenting: A sociocultural study. International Journal of Home Science, 5(1), 85-89.
Shah, S., & Shah, P. S. (2024). Gender Differences in Parenting Styles During Adolescence. International Journal of Indian Psychȯlogy, 12(2).
Liu, R. (2023). The Role of Gender in Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Child Development. Lecture Notes in Education Psychology and Public Media, 18, 114-119.
Endendijk, J. J., Groeneveld, M. G., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M. J., & Mesman, J. (2016). Gender-differentiated parenting revisited: Meta-analysis reveals very few differences in parental control of boys and girls. PloS one, 11(7), e0159193.